Down on My Kness
by Nightmare-san
Summary: I think of you . . . But do you think of me? RoyxEd, EdxRoy Atempt at my second angst fic. Shounenai X3


Hello, readers! Today I grace you with my first angst fic. I tried to make Red Rose and White Rose a angst fic but it had been too funny. But I listened to this Jewel song today (Sept. 21 I'm keeping a record so I can see when I actually finish this. It will probably take a month - -) and it inspired me (The story follows the lyrics, if no one noticed . . . So this story was pretty easy to write. I just had to write something similar to the lyrics). Pretty much reminded me off a good angst EdxRoy fic . . . Anyway, I should start!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA and shit. Geez I get it. And 'Foolish Games' lyrics belong to Jewel. Oh yeah and a reminder to readers . . . This is an angst fic (and my SECOND one) so there will be people crying. So please don't review and say that Ed and Roy never cry and they're not acting like themselves. :D Because I am too nice and sensitive to bad reviews . . . dammit.

_Chapter 1_

_---_

_You took your coat off and stood in the rain,  
You're always crazy like that.  
And I watched from my window,  
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.  
_

Wandering down the dark halls of Eastern HQ, Edward stopped at Roy Mustang's office. His lover, his friend, and the pain in his heart. Ever since they had become lovers, Ed had fallen _deeply_ in love with him. So deep he didn't know if he could ever get out. Unfortunately, for Roy, it seemed to Ed that he didn't feel as strongly.

Taking a shallow and shaky breath, Edward turned the knob and opened the door. Inside, the office was dark and gloomy, only a single desk lamp shining on Roy's desk. Ed stepped closer to see Roy was not at his desk or taking a nap on the couch (he did that sometimes). '_He . . . He must be gone home already . . .' _Looking out the window and at the falling rain outside, Ed sighed.

Walking down the halls once again, something caught Edward's eyes and he turned to see an object out the window in the rain. Squinting to see it better, Ed realized it was a person. '_What . . .?' _Running to a window that was closer, Ed finally seen who it was. Eyes wide and body trembling, Ed stared at the man outside. _'R-Roy . . . ?' _

There, the man he loved so deeply, stood. His black coat had been taken off and he was standing in the rain, smiling up at the sky. "B-But . . . Roy hates the rain . . . It puts out his fire." Ed whispered to himself, stunned. And it was also strange to see the man so happy. He was always serious. It was like looking at the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The expression . . . the wet rain rolling over down his happy face . . . So caught in the moment, Ed dropped to his knees and clamped his eyes shut, trying to keep out the incoming tears. _'Why can't **I** make him that happy?'_

_You're always the mysterious one with  
Dark eyes and careless hair,  
You were fashionably sensitive  
But too cool to care._

Fumbling with the keys to his quarter, Ed wiped away tears. _'Why? Why? WHY?' _Barging in, Ed slammed the door and immediately fell to the floor and curled into a ball. "W-Why does it make me so sad?" he sobbed, slamming his fists into the floor. For some reason it really affected him. _'It's because I love him so much . . .' _Another pain shot through his heart and he winced in pain. "I need to distract myself from this . . ." Looking around, Ed spotted a letter opening knife. _'T-That's too dull . . .' _Rising to his feet weakly, he stumbled towards the small quarter's kitchen area, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a sharp knife. He walked to his bed, hands trembling, almost dropping the knife. Sitting at the edge of the bed, he positioned the knife over his wrist, trembling terribly. Memories of Roy rushed through his head and filled his mind's eye with a movie.

Roy had always been the mysterious one, which was why Ed knew hardly anything about his lover. And the man was so attractive. His dark eyes haunted Ed's dreams and his body called out to Edward every time he seen him. Seeing Roy in his navy blue uniform everyday had been heaven and pleasure just for Edward's eyes, but the dark-haired man had never taken notice to the stares.

_'Roy told me he loved me . . . But does he really?' _Double shots of pain hit his heart and he reacted by slicing through the skin right above his visible veins. The pain only stung for a second until the pain in his heart returned again. _'No . . .' _Cutting fives slices in a row, Ed finally felt the pain in his heart subside and the pain in his arm take over. Crimson blood rolled from his arm to the floor making a small puddle of the red substance. _'Huh . . . It almost looks like the elixir version of the Philosopher's Stone . . .'_ Chuckling lightly, Edward continued cutting more and more.

_  
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say  
Besides some comment on the weather. _

Well in case you failed to notice,  
In case you failed to see,  
This is my heart bleeding before you,  
This is me down on my knees, and...

These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
You're breaking my heart.

Shaking the rain from his hair, Roy chuckled with delight. "I'm so childish sometimes." The rain had been refreshing, especially after his horrible day. Sighing, he remembered the horrible day. Hardly had enough sleep the other night, nearly 100 degrees in his office, loads of paperwork, and no Edward to cheer him up. But after finishing his paperwork that evening, Roy hadn't noticed it had started raining until he looked outside for himself. The rain had reminded him of an old memory . . . So very old . . . 7 years ago to be exact . . . so he jumped out in the rain without a second thought.

"Lucky no one was around to see me . . . I probably looked like an idiot." Digging his State Alchemists watch out of his pocket, Roy checked the time. "Oh shit! It's pretty late. Hope Ed's not still waiting."

Running down the hall, Roy suddenly felt sick. '_Hn . . . Some thing's wrong.'_ Running faster down the hall, Roy finally reached Ed's quarters. Reaching for the door knob, Roy shut his eyes in frustration and tried to think up a good excuse. Opening the door, he sighed and put on a sorry smile. "Sorry I'm late! Damn rain, --" Roy abruptly stopped talking as soon as he seen the puddle of blood on the floor. Looking around for the cause of the blood, he seen a movement on the other side of the bed. "Ed . . .?" Running to the other side of the bed, Roy bent down beside the blond alchemist. "Edward! Who did this to you?" Roy rasped, almost out of breath. His heart wouldn't stop beating.

--

Ed, down on his hands and knees, didn't reply. The cuts on his arms were bleeding non-stop and it _hurt_. But at least he didn't feel any pain in his heart. Feeling Roy put his hands on his shoulders, Ed violently shrugged them away. "Get the fuck away from me, you bastard." he growled, turning to Roy with angry eyes. Roy stared back surprised, then chuckled lightly. "What the fucking hell are you laughing at?" Roy suddenly stopped laughing and looked at Edward seriously. "I've never seen you this mad before." Ed's face twisted in sadness. "I-I hate you." "Now, Ed, you don't --" "Yes I do! You stupid bastard! You're breaking my heart!" Slamming his fists on the floor, he began sobbing uncontrollably.

Roy, not knowing what to do, roughly pulled Edward up to his face and kissed him hard. Uncontrollable tears streamed down the man's face. He didn't know what to do. And all he could do was cry. Ed on the other hand was trying to resist the mans strong grip. _'Let go of me! I don't want you to hold me!!' _But then he gave in, gasping for breath, and just let it all loose.

"Now, Edward . . . What is wrong?" Roy asked, gracing the blond with small kisses on his face, licking up his salty tears. Then he wrapped torn shirt pieces around Edward's wrists, the blood all over his hands. "I-I seen you outside in the rain. Y-You looked s-so happy . . . It broke my heart to see it wasn't me who made you that happy . . . I know, I'm selfish . . ." Edward said, looking up at Roy. All of a sudden Roy started laughing hysterically. "Edward, you can be so stupid sometimes." "Hey!" "But I love you, I always will. Thats why I was so happy out in the rain. The rain reminded me of the day I met you. Though you were unconscious I still think of that as our first meeting. Plus I got to see you half naked already." Roy whispered, leaning in for a kiss. "Shut up, you pedophile!" Edward yelped, shoving Roy's head away with his hands. "But Ed, I had to wait until you were 18 to kiss you! I had to wait all those years!" Roy whimpered, pouting. "Oh stop complaining. You know sometimes-" His sentence was cut off by Roy's soft lips. "You know you're the only one I act 'cute' around." Roy laughed as they stared into each other's eyes, nose to nose.

_You're always brilliant in the morning,  
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.  
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.  
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones  
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.  
You'd teach me of honest things,  
Things that were daring, things that were clean.  
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.  
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.  
Somewhere along the line, I must've gone  
Off track with you._

Shaking the sleep from his head and stretching, Ed looked over at Roy. They were currently at Roy's house, in his bed. They hadn't made love the night before, because Ed was actually too tired (Roy was amazed since the blond had always had a lot of stamina when they had sex) and a little resistant. But they held each other in the warm navy comforter and flowered each other with kisses and teases.

Feeling the stare on his face, Roy opened his eyes to see his Edward smiling at him and looking at him through hazy eyes. Thus this made the Colonel jump on Ed because he looked so cute. Laughing and trying to keep away the kisses, Edward fell to the floor, Roy right behind. They locked in a passionate kiss and rolled around. Then when their heads collided with the wall they finally got up and walked into the kitchen, hand in hand, both slightly dizzy.

_Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,  
Somebody who gave a damn,  
Somebody more like myself._

Cracking the egg, Edward poured the yolk into the frying pan and watched as it started sizzling. Meanwhile, Roy made the toast and prepared the chocolate covered strawberries. Humming to the radio, Ed couldn't stop himself from smiling. He loved when they made breakfast together. _'I'm so whipped . . . I don't think I would act this way with anyone else, except Al . . . This is how I know I really love him.' _Ed glanced at Roy. _'But if you ever break my heart again . . . I will hate you forever.' _At that moment, Ed almost started crying. Releasing his grip on the spatula he was holding, it dropped to the floor. Roy immediately looked over in worry. "Edward?" Snapping out of his sadness, Edward shined a smile. "I'm fine. Kinda spaced out there . . ." Roy smiled also, then turned to spread some strawberry jam on his taost.

They gathered all their breakfast on a single tray and went into the living room. They snuggled up on the soft sofa and ate breakfast, as lovers. 

You took your coat off,  
Stood in the rain,  
You're always crazy like that.

And before Edward drifted off on Roy's shoulder, the image of his Colonel in the rain smiling ran through his mind and he slept with a smile.

---------

(Done: October 21st) Ha! SEE!! I told you guys it would take a month! Well . . . it was school's fault. Hey I just noticed that I started it on Sept. 21 and finished it on Oct. 21 AWESOMENESS!!! Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed. It wasn't that angsty but it was my second try. Yeah, I know, sucky. But I had fun doing it.

Songs listened to: Jewel – Foolish Games, The Used – I'm a Fake, and KoRn – Love Song Just some songs to inspire. :)


End file.
